10 Great (And Not So Great) Alternatives to Toilet Paper

No one likes to talk about doing the number two in the bathroom, but it’s a fact of life and sometimes you may find yourself out in the boondocks away from civilization without any soft toilet paper to clean your nether regions. Or you may find that your house is completely out of toilet paper, paper towels or other paper products that would do your bum proud. And what that happens, where will you be if you don’t know the 10 things you can use to get your butt crack sparkling clean.

1. Money

The weird thing about this option is that the bills you use to wipe your butt with are probably nastier than what’s in your butt to begin with. Have you seen what bacterial matter and other disgusting microbes scientists find on the average dollar bill? At least after using money you can roll it up, wash it off when you get back to civilization and use it again.

2. A Rock

If you’re out in the wild, there’s a good chance you’ll find some rocks in nature that you can use as a substitute for toilet paper. Now the trick here is to find a smooth rock that won’t do any permanent damage to the crack between  your cheeks, or you’ll just end up having to spend a lot of money on a proctologist, and no one wants that.